I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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