I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
