Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
