I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
