I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize