i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
