hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
