You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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