hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
