If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
