i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
