I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
