I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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