I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
