He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
