Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize