I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
