Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
