if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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