You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
