HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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