sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
