Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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