Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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