I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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