im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i will never coherently bang her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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