mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
