dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
