How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
