why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
