yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A bitchslap is in order.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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