I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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