I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
