he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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