Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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