he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
