God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
