we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's just like the Real World with babies
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
