hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
