for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
