thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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