he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Enjoy the penises
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
