Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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