Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
