Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
