forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
