how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
