um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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