just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
