Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
