apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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