my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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