I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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