she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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