my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Farmville is her only friend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
