Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
