I murdered the dance floor call the cops
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize