And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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