i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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