If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize