I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
