Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
