sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
