Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
