When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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